Nerdie's Mid-Life NerdNation Crisis (Trigger Warning)

[NerdieBirdieYT]

Hi all.

I'd like to say a couple things before I get into this. My goal in explaining this first bit is not to make you pity me or anything, and this is public knowledge already, I just have not talked about it much on Loka. My goal is to explain why this is such a big deal to me.

A bit over two years ago I had a suicidal episode as a result of many, many years of gradually increasing lonliness, being a social outcast, and being sad constantly. After this suicidal episode, I was taken to doctors, and after several tests was found to have something no human should have to go through: Major Recurrent Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety, and General Anxiety. Luckily I do not have these conditions as badly as many people do, and I am able to cope to some extent, but these conditions have greatly affected my ability to live a normal life.

That was two years ago, and while I still struggle quite a bit with these issues, I have learned to take them as they come, and they are not why I am writing this post. They do, however, play a role in the situation, and honestly this is as much of a post to vent as it is to ask for suggestions.

I'm writing this post because NerdNation, my baby for the past ~2 years, is a train wreck. For months I have been essentially solo-ing this Town. There have absolutely been other people in NN who have been major helps within the past few months, and I don't want to undervalue them. I appreciate them so much, especially my staff, without whom the NerdNation community would have died ages ago. However, as time goes on, even before our move to Loka, NerdNation has had a steady decrease in interest. I am essentially the only person who logs on lately. When others do log on, it's usually because I encourage them to.

I have tried everything, from recruitment via Minecraft forums, to hosting weekly events, to encouraging more chat in Discord, to holding contests, to switching servers, to improve this supposedly tight-knit community. As it is, my efforts have completely failed, and I'm at a loss for what to do.

The reason I mention my mental disorders is because they take this situation and expand it indefinitely. It really hit me hard today when I logged on to help fight for Eris, and yet again I was the only one of my Town getting on, regardless of my announcement ~45 minutes prior in our Discord. There were people online in the Discord, but none decided to get on. Again.

That hit me hard, and words like "failure" started to boil up in my head. Eris proceeded to get demolished by SH and Hilo repeatedly. I was easily crushed in a few arena matches. When a Town fell tonight, I went invis to raid it, returning with nothing, and dying twice.

Should these things affect me as much as they do? Absolutely not. They're silly. It's a game, it happens, and I totally understand that. I am not whining or complaining about the events of tonight. What bothers me is how much all these things added together, especially regarding NerdNation, so easily get me to hurl insults at myself, make my stomach hurt, make my head ache. I feel like a failure to the community I have worked so desperately hard on.

Again, I don't want to whine or complain or be pitied. This is half a way to vent to people who may understand (my therapist is too old to understand what a "NerdNation" is, lol) and half a post to ask for help with this group. I don't know how to provide a fun environment for my community to thrive in anymore, because they just don't seem interested. What else can I do?

If you read all the way to here, thank you. Have a great day, Lokans <3

 

[catfishjw]

Dang that’s one big vent u got there
In all seriousness, I kinda know how you feel. Not all the mental crap people go through, but the feeling of being a failure because of an inactive town. Just know I will always do what I can for NN, it’s one if the first of these communities that I was truly accepted in.


Also you carried Kalros so yeah

 

[NerdieBirdieYT]

Dang that’s one big vent u got there
In all seriousness, I kinda know how you feel. Not all the mental crap people go through, but the feeling of being a failure because of an inactive town. Just know I will always do what I can for NN, it’s one if the first of these communities that I was truly accepted in.


Also you carried Kalros so yeah

Thanks buddy, appreciate it. That's always been one of our goals, being inclusive and caring. I'm glad you felt that.

daRN RIGHT I DID XD

 

[NerdieBirdieYT]

Small little update on this.

I am astounded by how many people, even people I don't talk to a whole lot, have taken the time to PM me on Discord about this, not necessarily giving advice, but checking on me and my health and telling me their own stories. I am so grateful for little things like that.

A tip for those who maybe understand what I wrote about more than they'd like to admit: talk about it. The stigma around mental health needs to be broken, and there are a heck of a lot more people who care and relate than you'd expect.

 

[Opyc]

If your ever needing a home nerdie there is spots for rent or buy in hilo.

 

[NerdieBirdieYT]

If your ever needing a home nerdie there is spots for rent or buy in hilo.

Thank you sir! The walls are too high for me to see into, but I bet it's beautiful

 

[Opyc]

Those surface wall arn't part of the real hilo

 

[Sparky___]

I can only imagine the difficulty going through something like this is for anyone, especially at a young age when things in life often are changing. To that end, I'm sorry you've had to struggle with this. It's not something anyone should have to go through and certainly if you or anyone ever needs to vent or talk I'm always willing to listen.

To the questions you've raised, I wouldn't beat yourself up over this issue. I believe I and others can attest that this is not an issue unique to your town or community. Recruiting can be difficult and motivating people can be equally so. Loka is primarily driven by conquest and has a learning curve that can be difficult to get into. That said, interests change, people get bored, or get busy as well, none of which can be blamed on you (or for that matter really anyone). I've not had many interactions with you or NerdNation as a whole, in spite of that, it's clear to me that you are very passionate about your community. I don't know that there is a perfect solution to this issue, but I have faith that your passion will continue to drive you forward. If I can help in any way don't hesitate to ask.

 

[koi0001]

Nerdie, it's nothing to do with failure on your part; coordinating and encouraging players to be interested in Loka is really difficult at times especially when a town that's further along the town progression. Personally, everybody became disinterested in my town whenever we stopped having big VC nights.

I know if I was in your position I would of handled it so much worse, to have the courage to talk about it is something we don't see everyday. I've certainly seen people in similar situations even on Loka so you're in no way alone, if you need someone to talk to I'm always here

EDIT: if you want something for your community to focus on I'd advise using a build server and setting a much larger project like a maze and then moving that on to Loka.

 

[NerdieBirdieYT]

I can only imagine the difficulty going through something like this is for anyone, especially at a young age when things in life often are changing. To that end, I'm sorry you've had to struggle with this. It's not something anyone should have to go through and certainly if you or anyone ever needs to vent or talk I'm always willing to listen.

To the questions you've raised, I wouldn't beat yourself up over this issue. I believe I and others can attest that this is not an issue unique to your town or community. Recruiting can be difficult and motivating people can be equally so. Loka is primarily driven by conquest and has a learning curve that can be difficult to get into. That said, interests change, people get bored, or get busy as well, none of which can be blamed on you (or for that matter really anyone). I've not had many interactions with you or NerdNation as a whole, in spite of that, it's clear to me that you are very passionate about your community. I don't know that there is a perfect solution to this issue, but I have faith that your passion will continue to drive you forward. If I can help in any way don't hesitate to ask.

Thanks for your kindness. As you said, maintaining a group is certainly not easy, and a lot of people struggle with it across different servers and games. Mental disorders just worsen feeling like you've failed, I suppose.

I don't plan to give up on NN. I just need some ideas moving forward ^-^

Nerdie, it's nothing to do with failure on your part; coordinating and encouraging players to be interested in Loka is really difficult at times especially when a town that's further along the town progression. Personally, everybody became disinterested in my town whenever we stopped having big VC nights.

I know if I was in your position I would of handled it so much worse, to have the courage to talk about it is something we don't see everyday. I've certainly seen people in similar situations even on Loka so you're in no way alone, if you need someone to talk to I'm always here

EDIT: if you want something for your community to focus on I'd advise using a build server and setting a much larger project like a maze and then moving that on to Loka.

Thanks to you as well, Koi, and build servers may be a good idea... I can't really set up a private one, but I'm sure there's some good public Creative servers we could use! VCs are also something we should do more often, as we rarely get to talk anymore.

 

[Cryptite]

Definitely something we've seen countless towns go through. I would repeat what others have said here and point out that this doesn't at all sound like your fault. I may be mistaken, but while I see occasional and various Minecraft things darting about in Nerd Nation's Discord, it seems (to me, at a cursory glance) like most of Nerd Nation doesn't even really play MC all that much. Couple that with the fact that the kind of server Loka is appeals to perhaps an even smaller percentage of NNers, I think you were always destined to have lower-activity. At least insofar as having a highly active town of NN members on Loka.

You'll notice that while there are many "Big Towns" on Loka, they're often big in size, maybe big in member count, but take a closer look at actives and you'll find a far, far smaller number there. Loka appeals to people differently, but it's higher-population times really only come around during big fights. Loka (at least presently) doesn't have a great deal of content for players who enjoy things besides building and PvP. We've spun up greater efforts on our PvE development team so that players who might like exploration/questing could find things to do on Loka. As it is, though, PvP is not for everyone, and they're a community who often only jumps around to servers only when there's a fight.

Sustained interest in Minecraft, let alone a single server is tough to manage for the younger populations. Minigame servers are very populated, but I'd wager their average play session is less than 5-10 minutes. Loka (at least in it's Conquest-typed features) is really built for an older audience. Your average Minecraft doesn't care about geopolitics, negotiations, trade-agreements, and the like. They just like hopping on because there's a big Conquest fight and it's funtimes. Then the fight ends and Loka returns to 20-30 online instead of 80.

Like I mentioned above, we have pve things coming out in the future, as well as an overhauled Jobs system in the works. Pair 1.13 content with a WAY BETTER system for town owners to create exciting jobs for their members, and I think towns may notice some far higher activity rates. Things just get stale sometimes, and that's life.

As a town owner, I can say for sure that you're definitely among the top echelon, from the ones I've observed over my years. What's key is simply being able to pair what Loka is with the kind of people who like to play on it. That mix is a tough one to come by. You're absolutely one of our brightest up-and-comers on Loka and I think everybody's thrilled with the fun content, attitude, and antics that you've brought to the server. I think it's really important that you don't equate your value as a human with how good only NerdNation is. You've left a mark on more than just your own town's members; and it sounds like people are showing that to you even now.

 

[Heat_of_the_cold]

I can’t speak for all of NN but trust me Nerdie, you aren’t the problem. You have done absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever. I’d like to say, the only reason that I have stayed in NerdNation for as long as I have is because of YOU. You are a great person and I love playing with you. I’d also like to say, NN has lost a lot of our big players to boredom and there really isn’t anything to do about that unless you could change Minecraft. Even though I don’t play as much anymore I plan on sticking around NN till you kick me or I ban myself again XD. Much love birdboi

 

[NerdieBirdieYT]

Definitely something we've seen countless towns go through. I would repeat what others have said here and point out that this doesn't at all sound like your fault. I may be mistaken, but while I see occasional and various Minecraft things darting about in Nerd Nation's Discord, it seems (to me, at a cursory glance) like most of Nerd Nation doesn't even really play MC all that much. Couple that with the fact that the kind of server Loka is appeals to perhaps an even smaller percentage of NNers, I think you were always destined to have lower-activity. At least insofar as having a highly active town of NN members on Loka.

You'll notice that while there are many "Big Towns" on Loka, they're often big in size, maybe big in member count, but take a closer look at actives and you'll find a far, far smaller number there. Loka appeals to people differently, but it's higher-population times really only come around during big fights. Loka (at least presently) doesn't have a great deal of content for players who enjoy things besides building and PvP. We've spun up greater efforts on our PvE development team so that players who might like exploration/questing could find things to do on Loka. As it is, though, PvP is not for everyone, and they're a community who often only jumps around to servers only when there's a fight.

Sustained interest in Minecraft, let alone a single server is tough to manage for the younger populations. Minigame servers are very populated, but I'd wager their average play session is less than 5-10 minutes. Loka (at least in it's Conquest-typed features) is really built for an older audience. Your average Minecraft doesn't care about geopolitics, negotiations, trade-agreements, and the like. They just like hopping on because there's a big Conquest fight and it's funtimes. Then the fight ends and Loka returns to 20-30 online instead of 80.

Like I mentioned above, we have pve things coming out in the future, as well as an overhauled Jobs system in the works. Pair 1.13 content with a WAY BETTER system for town owners to create exciting jobs for their members, and I think towns may notice some far higher activity rates. Things just get stale sometimes, and that's life.

As a town owner, I can say for sure that you're definitely among the top echelon, from the ones I've observed over my years. What's key is simply being able to pair what Loka is with the kind of people who like to play on it. That mix is a tough one to come by. You're absolutely one of our brightest up-and-comers on Loka and I think everybody's thrilled with the fun content, attitude, and antics that you've brought to the server. I think it's really important that you don't equate your value as a human with how good only NerdNation is. You've left a mark on more than just your own town's members; and it sounds like people are showing that to you even now.

I'm going to work pretty soon, and honestly don't have the words to respond to this right off the bat. This is enormously helpful and important for me as a person to hear. I'll get a proper response out when I have the time, but this is genuinely a huge boost to my spirits. Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this out.

 

[ModernMozart1787]

I'm not great with words, but I have something to say about this. You are one of my best friends, online or offline. If there's any way I can possibly help I will. In a way, I can identify with you as well, since I have struggled with depression since the beginning of April. My reasons are rather different though. You see, since April I have been struggling with some disease that no doctors can figure out and it's extremely painful. I'm not going to really go into more detail than that except that it's made me unable to walk, and worse, unable to play my violin or my piano for almost 9 months. If there is any way I can help you through this, I will, no matter what I need to do. Nerd Nation is not a failure, on the contrary, the wonderful community of NN has been helping me get through this hard time by being great friends and amazing people. I can not think of that as a failure, or think of you as one. You're a great guy, and you have your whole life ahead of you. I pray to God that you will come out of this a better and stronger person and ready for whatever other trials your life will throw at you. Also, please don't feel upset because you're not the best at Minecraft or because a lot of NN don't want to play it. to tell the truth, I have been demotivated as well with Loka for 2 reasons. #1 is the 1.9 pvp system, which I can't bring myself to enjoy, and the other is certain people that I won't mention in the community. Maybe we can help each other get through tough times both IRL and on the server.

 

[NerdieBirdieYT]

Definitely something we've seen countless towns go through. I would repeat what others have said here and point out that this doesn't at all sound like your fault. I may be mistaken, but while I see occasional and various Minecraft things darting about in Nerd Nation's Discord, it seems (to me, at a cursory glance) like most of Nerd Nation doesn't even really play MC all that much. Couple that with the fact that the kind of server Loka is appeals to perhaps an even smaller percentage of NNers, I think you were always destined to have lower-activity. At least insofar as having a highly active town of NN members on Loka.

You'll notice that while there are many "Big Towns" on Loka, they're often big in size, maybe big in member count, but take a closer look at actives and you'll find a far, far smaller number there. Loka appeals to people differently, but it's higher-population times really only come around during big fights. Loka (at least presently) doesn't have a great deal of content for players who enjoy things besides building and PvP. We've spun up greater efforts on our PvE development team so that players who might like exploration/questing could find things to do on Loka. As it is, though, PvP is not for everyone, and they're a community who often only jumps around to servers only when there's a fight.

Sustained interest in Minecraft, let alone a single server is tough to manage for the younger populations. Minigame servers are very populated, but I'd wager their average play session is less than 5-10 minutes. Loka (at least in it's Conquest-typed features) is really built for an older audience. Your average Minecraft doesn't care about geopolitics, negotiations, trade-agreements, and the like. They just like hopping on because there's a big Conquest fight and it's funtimes. Then the fight ends and Loka returns to 20-30 online instead of 80.

Like I mentioned above, we have pve things coming out in the future, as well as an overhauled Jobs system in the works. Pair 1.13 content with a WAY BETTER system for town owners to create exciting jobs for their members, and I think towns may notice some far higher activity rates. Things just get stale sometimes, and that's life.

As a town owner, I can say for sure that you're definitely among the top echelon, from the ones I've observed over my years. What's key is simply being able to pair what Loka is with the kind of people who like to play on it. That mix is a tough one to come by. You're absolutely one of our brightest up-and-comers on Loka and I think everybody's thrilled with the fun content, attitude, and antics that you've brought to the server. I think it's really important that you don't equate your value as a human with how good only NerdNation is. You've left a mark on more than just your own town's members; and it sounds like people are showing that to you even now.

Alright, I've got a bit more time on my hands now. (I have work again in an hour, though. Gosh dang it. XD)

Comparison is a big problem for lots of people, I think, and especially during depressive episodes, I fall into that trap pretty hard. It's incredibly easy for me to look at big names like HermitCraft and compare my group to theirs. Even with smaller groups, ones that most people don't know about, it's easy to look from the outside in, and look past their flaws to see what they're doing better than me. On the other hand, it has always been very difficult for me to boost myself up, so to speak, which I don't think is as common in most people. People like to take pride in what they do, and that's good! I've always had a very hard time with feeling worthwhile, or that what I do is important or worthy of, at least, not being ridiculed. Sometimes it's good to take a step back, and rather than focus on what you've done wrong, take a look at all you've accomplished.

As you said, Minecraft itself is an interesting game to work with. The community varies so widely in interests and ages. In terms of groups/communities, especially communities founded by a young person, the people you come by tend to be younger and thus have changing preferences and personalities. As Mag said to me yesterday, the brain doesn't stop developing until about 28 years old. You're right, people change at this age, and Loka isn't exactly the most inviting server for, say, a 12-year-old.

I'm genuinely honored by your kind words. I don't consider myself to by in the "top echelon" by any means, but I do find a lot of value in the number of responses, especially in PMs, I've gotten about this, about how people relate to my experiences and feelings, and even how NN has managed to affect a large number of people. Thank you for your kindness and support of NerdNation as a whole, and myself specifically, since day one.

I'd be interested in hearing how one might follow up on your statement about finding people to play with: "What's key is simply being able to pair what Loka is with the kind of people who like to play on it." NN began very briefly on Factions, moved to vanilla with raiding for a long time, and has ended up here. Needless to say, we've undergone a lot of change from our original play-style and vibe. Pair that with the fact that NN is advertised largely through my family-oriented channel, and it makes sense that we don't have a lot of players willing to play on a server intended for a slightly older audience. As I've mentioned earlier, I have tried advertising the group on PMC and MCF with little success. It's hard to advertise when forums dislike mentioning server games, giving links, etc. What would you recommend for finding players that fit both the Loka style and NerdNation style?

 

[NerdieBirdieYT]

I'm not great with words, but I have something to say about this. You are one of my best friends, online or offline. If there's any way I can possibly help I will. In a way, I can identify with you as well, since I have struggled with depression since the beginning of April. My reasons are rather different though. You see, since April I have been struggling with some disease that no doctors can figure out and it's extremely painful. I'm not going to really go into more detail than that except that it's made me unable to walk, and worse, unable to play my violin or my piano for almost 9 months. If there is any way I can help you through this, I will, no matter what I need to do. Nerd Nation is not a failure, on the contrary, the wonderful community of NN has been helping me get through this hard time by being great friends and amazing people. I can not think of that as a failure, or think of you as one. You're a great guy, and you have your whole life ahead of you. I pray to God that you will come out of this a better and stronger person and ready for whatever other trials your life will throw at you. Also, please don't feel upset because you're not the best at Minecraft or because a lot of NN don't want to play it. to tell the truth, I have been demotivated as well with Loka for 2 reasons. #1 is the 1.9 pvp system, which I can't bring myself to enjoy, and the other is certain people that I won't mention in the community. Maybe we can help each other get through tough times both IRL and on the server.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate that, Mozart. I'm very sorry to hear about your illness. You were always a great person to be around while you were with us, and I wish you the best wherever you go from here.

 

[FamilyTuber]

Man it has been a wild end to 2018. I saw this while I was on my trip for New Years (which I'm now back from) and wanted to take some serious thought on this. I for one, I have not been an active member on Loka. I love to hangout on the NN discord a lot but that's been my reach as of late as a staff member. Nerdie and I have met quite some time ago (getting close to two years now o.o) and he's such an awesome person. I've been with him during pretty rough times and we've boosted each other up as a friendship in ways I would of never seen. And I can say that he's really grown from life's challenges. You've definitely made an impact on this server here Nerdie and that's why I would hate it for NN to leave Loka. Nerdie, it's definitely not you that's at fault. Things like this we can't always control.

Anyways, as I mentioned I'm not super active here on Loka. I love the community, I love how dedicated the dev team is to updating Loka, and the systems on the server fascinate me. I want NN to be a great lively place again but it's hard when your own officers struggle to stay active. I won't say too much but I have a conflict of interests and only so much time to do all of it. I have an internet filter at my house that only allows me to play Minecraft Java for about 1.5 hours a day. Between youtube videos I try to keep doing, adventure map building, my own group, and NN... I can only do so much with that small 1.5 hours a day. Loka has taken a back burner lately. Especially since PvP is not my thing.

Now from what Crypt has been saying, 2019 sounds like an epic year for Loka! Incoming updates with jobs, quests, and 1.13 will definitely add some spice and variety to the game play. I think NN just has been in a slight slumber if you will. Re-dedication to fun, get togethers, and not making getting on Loka a chore for some will rebuild what we've seen in NN in the past. I have no idea how much I can dedicate myself to NN with school and my time situation but I want to see it keep succeeding! No matter what, NN has made a good impact on this server despite if we have low activity counts, and besides... Player count for a group isn't what matters. It's the connections and fun you're having with your group that matters. If that's just two or 3 players, it's still a fun time and can mean all the world to those people!

 

[NerdieBirdieYT]

Man it has been a wild end to 2018. I saw this while I was on my trip for New Years (which I'm now back from) and wanted to take some serious thought on this. I for one, I have not been an active member on Loka. I love to hangout on the NN discord a lot but that's been my reach as of late as a staff member. Nerdie and I have met quite some time ago (getting close to two years now o.o) and he's such an awesome person. I've been with him during pretty rough times and we've boosted each other up as a friendship in ways I would of never seen. And I can say that he's really grown from life's challenges. You've definitely made an impact on this server here Nerdie and that's why I would hate it for NN to leave Loka. Nerdie, it's definitely not you that's at fault. Things like this we can't always control.

Anyways, as I mentioned I'm not super active here on Loka. I love the community, I love how dedicated the dev team is to updating Loka, and the systems on the server fascinate me. I want NN to be a great lively place again but it's hard when your own officers struggle to stay active. I won't say too much but I have a conflict of interests and only so much time to do all of it. I have an internet filter at my house that only allows me to play Minecraft Java for about 1.5 hours a day. Between youtube videos I try to keep doing, adventure map building, my own group, and NN... I can only do so much with that small 1.5 hours a day. Loka has taken a back burner lately. Especially since PvP is not my thing.

Now from what Crypt has been saying, 2019 sounds like an epic year for Loka! Incoming updates with jobs, quests, and 1.13 will definitely add some spice and variety to the game play. I think NN just has been in a slight slumber if you will. Re-dedication to fun, get togethers, and not making getting on Loka a chore for some will rebuild what we've seen in NN in the past. I have no idea how much I can dedicate myself to NN with school and my time situation but I want to see it keep succeeding! No matter what, NN has made a good impact on this server despite if we have low activity counts, and besides... Player count for a group isn't what matters. It's the connections and fun you're having with your group that matters. If that's just two or 3 players, it's still a fun time and can mean all the world to those people!

Well said Tuby <3 It's been a great two years with ya, and I'm really glad you're still around, even if not very active. You've been such a huge help to me and NN as a whole with planning and getting thoughts through my thick skull, lol. Hopefully this year will shake some things up for all of us.