Return to Loka Pt 2

[Silver911]

Back to our Silver, he seems to have gained his trust in The Covenant. He is enjoying life. But throughout the fights with Western Powers, The Covenant seems as if its loosing! This can not happen. Heavily motivated Silver practices his PvP and tries to become as Sovngarde calls it: "Good". For he is a westerner, its his job to be "good". To be continued....

 

[DeceitfulPear]

I am extremely confused as to what your goal is in writing this little tidbits. To entertain? Inform? Incite some type of emotion?

They are all so short and lack any real store of rising action or conclusion or really anything. They're just kind of things. Perhaps wait for more substantial events to take place? Also show not tell is a big part of writing that you have yet to learn. These are short collections of statements rather than "lore" to me.

Part of writing is writing with purpose, the rest will follow suit if you organize your thoughts and explain the events. Your stories just lack any depth, inspiration, and substance.

Also perhaps keep the parts in a single thread so they will always forever be together and in order? Would make reading a whole lot easier for everyone involved. The map of Ascalon feels extremely out of place as well and I don't fully understand the point of it being 90% of your post.

I am not saying this to bash your writing; I am saying this so you know on ways to improve your writing, from one writer to another.

 

[Silver911]

I'm just putting the first 2 paragraphs from the story im working on here to let y'all see if your interested. This is the last one im posting before the whole story.

 

[Mr_Void99]

I am extremely confused as to what your goal is in writing this little tidbits. To entertain? Inform? Incite some type of emotion?

They are all so short and lack any real store of rising action or conclusion or really anything. They're just kind of things. Perhaps wait for more substantial events to take place? Also show not tell is a big part of writing that you have yet to learn. These are short collections of statements rather than "lore" to me.

Part of writing is writing with purpose, the rest will follow suit if you organize your thoughts and explain the events. Your stories just lack any depth, inspiration, and substance.

Also perhaps keep the parts in a single thread so they will always forever be together and in order? Would make reading a whole lot easier for everyone involved. The map of Ascalon feels extremely out of place as well and I don't fully understand the point of it being 90% of your post.

I am not saying this to bash your writing; I am saying this so you know on ways to improve your writing, from one writer to another.

To entertain and have fun

 

[DeceitfulPear]

To entertain and have fun

Then it needs substance, drive, direction. It need to have investment. The amount of effort you put into it should be tenfold or more of the joy someone else gets out of it. This looks thrown together in 10 seconds and thus will entertain at most for a single second.

Writing is easy, entertaining through writing is extremely difficult and way more time consuming than most people realize. A novel that takes you a few hours to read is usually worked on my a professional for at LEAST a year. Usually longer someone new to writing would most definitely take longer.

Obviously this isn't going to turn into a grand novel on the lines of Game of Thrones, but the comparison still stands to make the same point.

 

[Mr_Void99]

True....