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Dystoka: Chapter 2 + Poll

Would you like to see yourself mentioned in Dystoka? If so PM me!

  • I'll pass.

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    4
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longfellow4

Member
Dystoka

By Long

Chapter 2: Into the Mak

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The Makkon Jungle

THUD THUD THUD!

I squinted my eyes with a groan. Already morning? Sheesh, can't get a single good night's rest. The window was still open and the carpet was wet from rain. I squinted, taking longer and longer to realize what happened. I'm too tired for this...handle it later.....

~
~
~

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD!

"Ardi get yourself out of bed!" Jasp yelled.

I bolted up in daze and smacked my head on the bunk above me. "AGH!" I yelled back. The room spiraled as Jasp opened the door with a laugh. "Hurry man, we start the adventure today!" He grabbed his wooden knife and smirked. "If anything this will end up hunting me."

"Yea with your klutzy self I am sure you won't stand a few seconds out in the jungle." I said. Hah, got him!
Jasp sat there in silence, and then turned around with the largest grin I ever seen, looking right at the bed's beam. "You're one to talk." I flushed red, how does he always know what to say to crush me?

"Anyways, I will be downstairs. Dad fashioned a dagger for you too. He told me to tell you we are not actually hunting today, just strategy and technique." he said.
"So what you're saying is boring dry lectures...." I groaned.
"Ugh...yep." he sighed along with me. "Oh well, got to start somewhere. I am just glad to get out of the damned city."

I followed him while tying my tunic. "Couldn't agree with you more."


====~====

Breakfast was quick and little. "A good hunter is light, not stuffed." Dad said with a grin. He seemed really excited to teach us the ways of his life, yet my brother and I couldn't be convinced. We mumbled wishes of actual hunting. Scurried away from the house and to the gates, we approached a part of town I have never seen in my life. Large colorful tents covered the area with merchants trading anything from petrified woods from long gone lands to ancient relics. I even got to see a shimmering blade, and as I stared at it, the merchant smiled and began on his whole spiel.

"Interested boy? Good choice! This is a blue shimmering sword from the gone lands of Ascalon, called the ST M9 Bayonet. Legend has it this sword saw nearly endless combat, and here it is, right before you!" I couldsee what he was talking about, the sword looked chipped and ashen and almost about to break. Yet I didn't have the money to use it. My Dad urged me to come, so I waved to the merchant and went on my way.

"Good evening citizens. State your names and ID's please." said the guard decorated in iron armor at the gate. My dad took out a piece of paper with his face on it, torn and worn, and handed it to the man. He took a few seconds while nodding. "You may exit with your two accompanies, Sir Verek. Dad smiled with a nod and we left the gates which was my entire world.

The first thing I noticed was the vibrant colors. Large trailing plants dominated the land, twisting and turning like someone had grabbed and shook the world. Flowers of every color, and the oddest people, from scavengers with giant backpacks twice the size of themselves to funky looking goods merchants. "Welcome to the outside boys. Welcome to the Makkon jungle!" Now to call it a jungle already was a bit of a rush. We still had to cross Fang swamp to enter the giant gardens. Covering it was an old worn wooden bridge that had seen many days gone by. "Careful with your steps." Dad said at least five times.

"Now boys, the first thing you need to know about the Mak are the kind of beasts in here. We use to split them up into passive and hostile, yet that is no longer the case." Dad waited for us to pay attention, then went on.
"There are three types of creatures we will run into. There are the little, known for scurrying away, the beasts who will attack, and the leviathans, who you would never want to encounter." That worried me, a creature so large I would be afraid to face it? That did not sound pleasant at all. We hurried along into the thicket, following my dad point out plants and multiple insects. Jasp tested out some plants while I was forced to stand watch and observe the animals about. Nothing really out the ordinary, I just wished I could use Dads bow and do some target shooting.

"Ardi, you're next. Come over here." Dad said as Jasp came to take my spot. I hopped off and looked at a charred board with sticks. "What am I doing?" I asked confused.

Dad laughed. "The most important thing in survival! Fire making!"

I actually got excited about this! This wasn't boring, I could actually create fire from just those little sticks? Now that is cool! Dad could see my excitement and handed me the sticks. "Now, follow what I do - start at the top - and quickly swivel it like this." Dad created a char in a leaf, and blew it into a thicket of twigs. Fire busted out of nowhere and he laughed at my surprise. It took me a few tries, but I managed to solve it after a few mishaps. "Good. Now we can begin. Jasp, you and Ardi will collect some herbs. Come back here when you have some of the white gilgmess. Then I will teach you how to skin." Dad stood on a tall tree limb with his bow, waiting.

Jasp and I walked into the jungle together, ready to become hunters.
Wait, what was a gilgmess again?
 

longfellow4

Member
Sorry for the shortness of the second chapter you guys! New years coming up really close as I write this. Next one will be twice as long!
 

BorkMork

Member
Slicer
Aye longfellow, this story is going pretty well, however, I suggest you only have one thread for the story. Basically don't divide your chapters into different threads. However, this is going pretty well. The idea of seeing structures in the present in the distant future as broken or relics are pretty cool. You have lots of potential regarding a dystopian tale like this, revealing creatures that aren't the norm, showing stories of descendants of the people who inhabited the world once (i.e. Maybe the great-great-great-grandson of Skuhoo), and also the idea of revealing the reasons for the war through flashbacks. To see flashbacks of players, to know their thoughts about the war, and to also see the downsides of both sides that were involved. Betrayal, propaganda, assassinations, etc. There can be bias on both sides, the use of new styles of warfare, the potential through a broken world. Imagine a Mad Max, Fallout-esque Loka.

However, I also see ideas in Garama as well, the idea of people having to endure new creatures, having to create new civilizations, etc, can create new conflict, characters that are vibrant in characterization, and horrifying extents the Lokans on this world can do if they're pushed hard enough.

Well done, longfellow!

((Dystoka RP anyone? That would be a cool rp thread actually.
 

longfellow4

Member
Aye longfellow, this story is going pretty well, however, I suggest you only have one thread for the story. Basically don't divide your chapters into different threads. However, this is going pretty well. The idea of seeing structures in the present in the distant future as broken or relics are pretty cool. You have lots of potential regarding a dystopian tale like this, revealing creatures that aren't the norm, showing stories of descendants of the people who inhabited the world once (i.e. Maybe the great-great-great-grandson of Skuhoo), and also the idea of revealing the reasons for the war through flashbacks. To see flashbacks of players, to know their thoughts about the war, and to also see the downsides of both sides that were involved. Betrayal, propaganda, assassinations, etc. There can be bias on both sides, the use of new styles of warfare, the potential through a broken world. Imagine a Mad Max, Fallout-esque Loka.

However, I also see ideas in Garama as well, the idea of people having to endure new creatures, having to create new civilizations, etc, can create new conflict, characters that are vibrant in characterization, and horrifying extents the Lokans on this world can do if they're pushed hard enough.

Well done, longfellow!

((Dystoka RP anyone? That would be a cool rp thread actually.

Thanks Bork I appreciate it. Yea that's a good idea for the megathread! Also I would love a Dystoka RP, could really help the story along!
 
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