ok

[CuriousFriend]

ok

 

[DFG1125]

When these humans first arrived, was the worst of the time.

Whenever we talk to him, a black aura covers us to - well he never told us why he did that but I'm sure it was for a good reason.

Am i suffering from Mad Cow?

capITal I!!!! ...mlg lit same. There are a few more around you should look out for.

"DON'T GO INTO THE HUMAN PLACE. OKAY?!"

You know I understand the caps, but I really don't like them. Makes it look like you're just some 12 year old on the internet who is being ignored.

Larry could have his teeth fall out, due to excessive chattering.

Weird phrasing, I would say something more like "Due to all the excessive chattering, Larry's teeth almost fell out." or something like that.

They all stood up in unison

It's the main character and two others so that wording doesn't really make sense. I would go for more of a "We all stood up in unison."

Me, Rubert, am the bravest of them all. They all admit it.

Grammar there is pretty Bleh.

After he disappeared, the era of the choosing ended. Those of us lived, immigrated out to different places. I'm in a cold, snowy place. I have no idea what the other places are, but I heard they have different food. Ha.

With this one there is a really big tonal shift that makes it feel out of place and the "Ha" just seems out of place and weird.

As a whole I wouldn't say it was a horrible story. However it was kind of confusing and I would put a little more effort into world building so the reader can understand what's going on around them. Also the last part is just weird.

 

[DFG1125]

@CuriousFriend All good man, I appreciated going through this, helped me keep my mind a little fresher as it's been a while since I've been in school myself.

 

[BuscoNombre]

I was so confused. Am i suffering from Mad Cow? I am not a cow though

Why is that me every time i play minecraft?

 

[CuriousFriend]

Why is that me every time i play minecraft?

haha